


Cynosure

by eyeronicmuch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Strangers to Lovers, actor!sicheng, cafe owner! jaehyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 07:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16698430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyeronicmuch/pseuds/eyeronicmuch
Summary: To Jaehyun, Sicheng was a cynosure. A star  so blinding, so unreal, he took Jaehyun’s breath away. He was an enigma, a mystery that Jaehyun could never solve. And somehow, Sicheng stumbled into Jaehyun’s life one wintry morning, and made a permanent presence in it, and that was more than okay.





	Cynosure

**Author's Note:**

> i didn’t have the heart to make this true to my twitter prompt, but i hope i did jaewin justice! jaewin deserve more love

If someone asked, Jaehyun would answer that he was fairly happy with his life. He had a stable career, in fact, he had his own thriving business just at the age of twenty-five. His mornings were calm, his evenings were even calmer. There were no deadlines, no stress, nowhere to rush to, he was his own boss, his own employer. Jaehyun didn’t seek thrill or adventure, he was content with managing his own little café at the suburbs of the city. He had a few close friends that stuck to him throughout university, and that was enough for him. Jaehyun was a man that preferred stability and peace, and that’s just how his life was going.

But then, Jaehyun met Sicheng, someone who was so similar to him yet so different, and his tranquil life went crashing down. 

He was a shining star. As beautiful as a supernova, so bright, blinding, but slightly broken, just like any person. However, still shining. Still lovely. A star that everyone loved, envied, hated, looked up to, looked down upon, but a star nonetheless. Sicheng was an enigma, a mystery that Jaehyun could never solve. 

Maybe it started when the man waltzed into Jaehyun’s café one sleepy morning, when the dawn just broke and the sun rays just caressed the snowy ground, ordered a strong coffee, rushed out his name, and left. Sicheng. Jaehyun heard of it somewhere. In a week, he came again, covered in black from head to toe, face wrapped in masks and scarves to hide somewhat his identity. He was wide awake, cat-like eyes already shining with eyeshadow, messy hair, he looked different, but the person was the same.

One cup of coffee turned into the next, one morning turned into another and soon, Sicheng became a regular at the café. Sometimes he entered the café all dressed up, make-up on, as if in character. Jaehyun had no idea. He was always focused, determined, didn’t falter when ordering his drinks. He was confident but a bit hesitant, radiant but a bit dull, and he intrigued Jaehyun to no ends.

It was like Jaehyun encountered different people every time he saw Sicheng, different characters inside one body. Even so, Jaehyun was glad to see him, but the man never made small talk, he just ordered his drink and left. And that was okay, Jaehyun was a busy man, he didn’t have time to think about the mysterious man’s awkward smiles and rushed orders, but somehow they settled somewhere at the back of his head.

When the skies were still red from the bleeding sunrise, Sicheng decided to stay for longer. He sat down on the table further away from the counter, closer to the windows, lowered his hood, revealing messy chestnut hair, and busied himself on his phone. He had a laptop in his arms, and a couple of books stacked on the table. Maybe he was playing college student today. Maybe he actually was one. Only when Jaehyun came up to him, order in hand, did Sicheng look up from his messages and on a whim, broke the silence. 

“Um, can I know your name?” His voice was deep and smooth, like dripping honey. 

Jaehyun pointed to his name tag, smiling at Sicheng’s widening yes with realization of how silly the question was, dimples on display, but he still said it out loud nonetheless. “Jaehyun.”

Sicheng nods, once, twice, still embarrassed. His mask is down, and his cheeks are red. It shouldn’t be cute, but it is.

“Thank you, Jaehyun, your coffee is lovely.” The man had said, and Jaehyun blushed himself. 

Maybe that’s how it started.

 

-

 

They could be called acquaintances, maybe even friends. It was complicated. Sometimes Sicheng acted as if they were close, sometimes he acted as if they were strangers. It baffled Jaehyun, really, but he played along. It was a nice change in his life filled with routine. He had something to forward to, and it’s not only Sicheng’s characters, but Sicheng himself.

Jaehyun finds out that he’s an actor. He’s not surprised. They’re the same age, both successful, both quite famous (Jaehyun’s café was a number one hotspot for teenagers and dates), and despite everything, both quite lonely.

It’s around 6:45 in the morning. The sun is still down, the café is empty, save for the pair. Both Jaehyun and Sicheng look like the definition of death in their sleepy state, they’re not morning people, and with huge bags under their eyes, but the whole thing certainly has its charm. Jaehyun cracks a lame joke, and then Sicheng laughs, it’s barely a sound, throwing his head back and clapping his hands slowly, it’s like a scene from a slapstick comedy show, and for some reason, that’s even more charming. 

Jaehyun was used to his mornings being quiet, but Sicheng was nice company. They both were on the quiet, passive side. And maybe that’s why Jaehyun thought they clicked. He felt comfortable with Sicheng, who was a mere stranger at the time. He called it comfortableness at first sight, and Yuta teased him for it. ( “You just got a crush.” “No I do not!”)

 

-

 

The skies were particularly grey today, and Jaehyun took it as a premonition. He was a firm believer in omens and charms of good and bad luck, and so he was positive that today something was bound to be off. And he was right, in a way. Business ran smoothly, there were more customers than usual, more cheery faces, loud teenagers, couples, however, no sight of Sicheng. 

It went on for a week or so, and it was weird. As if everything had fallen back into cycle, into routine, just like before Jaehyun met the actor. The lack of his presence left a bitter after taste, just like from coffee he brews everyday, but Jaehyun swallowed it away, and focused on work. What was even weirder is how Jaehyun got already used to Sicheng in such a short period of time, when it took months for him to get attached to other people. Sicheng himself was weird. He made Jaehyun feel weird things. It wasn’t unpleasant, though. 

But then a bell chimed, and a bright presence entered the café, as extravagantly, as blinding as the star he resembled, and Jaehyun didn’t even have to look up to know that it was Sicheng. Paparazzi followed behind, people stopped chatting for a fleeting moment, as the actor came forward. It was as if time had stopped, like in cliché romance novels, and almost like a transparent bubble covered the pair, trapping them in their own little world. It sounded very cheesy, but deep down, Jaehyun liked cheesy.

“Sorry for disappearing so suddenly,” Sicheng had said, brushing off the crystal snow from his fur coat. His eyelids glimmered with gold, his cheeks were rosy, lips glossy and his eyes were a bit glassy from the cold. Jaehyun was a bit taken aback by his change of personality, but he was glad to see him regardless.

“It’s alright. The usual?”

“Please,” Sicheng smiled, his voice seemed different, maybe a bit deeper, maybe a bit higher.

“Here or to go?”

“To go. I’m running out of time.” Jaehyun nods and gets to work himself. When Sicheng hands him in the money, there’s an extra note with numbers scribbled on them. “Call me sometime,” he winks showing off his glimmering eyeshadow, and leaves just like that. The bubble pops and everything returns back to normal. 

Jaehyun did call him that night. Sicheng picked up on the second ring. 

 

-

 

The next day, in contrast to the sunny weather, Sicheng came in a grey suit with briefcase in hand and with round glasses perched on the slope of his nose. He must’ve been freezing in such cold weather.

“Are you a businessman today?” Jaehyun asks, already getting started on the actor’s usual order.

“Unfortunately no, just an office employee.” Sicheng sighs, taking the order out of Jaehyun’s hands. Their fingers brush, and Jaehyun would be lying if he said that it wasn’t electrifying. Instead, he asks, “For your next role?”

“Ah, no,” Sicheng falters, “just for fun.”

“For fun? You don’t look that happy.”

“Peaches, do you really think an office worker, that works from nine to five, that’s swarmed with piles of reports would look happy?” he shakes his head. “Me neither.”

Jaehyun giggles. “Peaches?”

“Yes?” Sicheng squeaks, looks quite shy, “your cheeks are like rosy peaches.”

“Well, aren’t you a charmer!” the barista exclaims, in a rather hushed tone, but he appreciates the compliment.

“Well, i’ve been told,” Sicheng smiles back at him ever so charmingly, wishes Jaehyun a good day and leaves. Jaehyun flushes. Confidence is a nice trait, it really made one stand out. Jaehyun was by no means confident, but later on, he finds out that Sicheng wasn’t confident either, that it was an act.

 

-

 

Today’s a rather slow day. Wednesdays are usually slow at this time of the month, and so there are barely any customers in the café. Lounge music that’s usually heard in jazz bars could be heard in the background, and Jaehyun sung along to some retro song whilst cleaning the tables. His kind self gave all of his employees a day off, right this moment he was alone. Just his thoughts and himself.

But then Sicheng comes in, and the aura shifts. He’s not dressed up, on the contrary, it’s the first time Jaehyun has seen him in casual clothes. There’s no make-up on his face, and it makes him look younger, more childlike, naïve. Jaehyun stops abruptly stops singing, and slightly embarrassed, greets the actor. 

“The tips of your ears are pink,” the actor comments, “that’s so cute.”

“Well hello to you too,” Jaehyun says back. “What brought you here on this rather gloomy day?”

Sicheng smiles, “Would you like to know why I bother to walk for about forty minutes in the freezing weather to the other end of the town, should I mention at ass o’clock in the morning, when I can get coffee five minutes away from my flat?”

Jaehyun doesn’t think he can answer that. “Why?”

“Well, firstly, no paparazzi, and the coffee is so good.” Jaehyun laughs. “Oh, and the barista is cute.”

“Oh really, who?”

Sicheng leans over the counter and pokes his chest. “You.” 

“Me?” Jaehyun is in utter disbelief, or at least he pretends to be. He plays along. “That’s cute, but i’m not a barista.”

“Oh?” Now it’s Sicheng’s turn to look bewildered, much to Jaehyun’s amusement. The guy’s good at expressions. “Yeah, i’m actually the owner of this place.”

The actor’s smile is wide. “That’s neat. Oh, forgot to mention, I missed you.”

That’s new. “Oh? Who are we playing now?” 

The actor frowns. “I’m not acting. I don’t think I am.”

Jaehyun stands up and goes over the counter, taking out a slice of cheesecake and hands it over to Sicheng, and in return the actor tells him about his little skits and who he plans to act as next. Jaehyun can only listen.

 

-

 

They could be counted as close friends now. If Sicheng wasn’t out of the country for filming he was at Jaehyun’s café, emptying his pockets at overpriced coffee. Jaehyun even reserved a table only for him, the best one in the entire place, with the comfiest armchair and the bicentennial view out of the window, and everyone wondered who was the lucky person. They texted on the daily too, and even the simplest messages made Jaehyun feel so giddy inside, but also extremely overwhelmed. Befriending a celebrity wasn’t exactly on his bucket list, but the best things in life are always those that result from spontaneous actions. 

Despite their closeness, Sicheng was pretty secretive. He didn’t talk much, especially about himself. He only listened, hummed and nodded in acknowledgement, but never talked about himself. It was funny, in interviews he was ever so talkative, but with Jaehyun he barely spoke. Jaehyun wanted to know more about the actor, ask him what were his favorite roles he’s ever played, about his life, favorite colours, seasons, animals, but he didn’t want to push either. 

But one warm evening, Jaehyun couldn’t contain himself.

“Can I ask you something personal?” It was on the top on Jaehyun’s tongue for god knows how long, a question he’s always wanted to ask.

“Sure.”

“Why are you acting outside of your job?”

“Oh,” Sicheng was at a loss of words. “Well, I don’t know.” A pause. “Identity crisis? Maybe. It’s just-”

“Sicheng, calm down.” And only then the actor notices that his hands are shaking, that there’s a lump in his throat, but Jaehyun’s voice is firm, grounding, and he relaxes, only for a little bit. Jaehyun debates for a second, but then hugs him tight, it’s an intimate gesture, and the barista feels Sicheng tense up in his arms, so he hugs him only tighter. 

“Can’t– can’t breathe.” It comes out muffled, and Jaehyun quickly loosens the hold, thinking that maybe it was too much, but then Sicheng hugs him back, puts his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, and Jaehyun breathes out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. Sicheng takes him time to speak, and as always, Jaehyun doesn’t rush him. 

They sway in silence, for a couple of minutes, losing track of time, and then finally Sicheng speaks.

“Ever since I was young,” he starts and Jaehyun encourages him to go on, “my parents pushed me into acting. I was merely just a toddler, and already used go the spotlight. I can’t say I particularly enjoyed being told to act as someone else, but it made my parents happy, so I continued.” This is the most Jaehyun had heard the man speak ever, and he was tremendously glad Sicheng could trust him enough to reveal such an important part about himself.

“They expected many things from me. When I got into the best academy, and later was scouted, they still weren’t satisfied. They wanted more. My mom, she’s an actress herself, and my dad was a director. They coached me, criticized me, told me I wasn’t good enough, I was always in character with them, I barely had moments where they allowed me to be myself. I always felt to tense, so uncomfortable, but they told what they were doing, what I was doing was right, so–

“So I just,” Jaehyun holds him tighter, “I did what they wanted me to do, they told me how to act? And it stuck to me, I guess. And then I grow up and suddenly i’m set free, released from my invisible chains, and i’m told to be myself and i just don’t understand, what does it mean to be yourself? For me not to act? Not to be in character? I don’t know. In the years I’ve spent playing the roles of nameless people, I’ve lost myself within them. I am merely a vessel. I’m aware, I lack personality, but isn’t that good in a way? I can be who you want me to be, isn’t that convenient?

“People judge me, criticize me, tell me they don’t know who i really am, _I_ don’t know who I am, god, Jaehyun,” Sicheng’s voice breaks, “this is so frustrating. Tell me how to act. I don’t know the answer.”

The sight hurts Jaehyun more than Sicheng can ever imagine, the former was good at comforting people, and that’s just what Sicheng needed right now. “Sicheng?” Jaehyun interrupts, cupping his cheeks, really warm cheeks, “who do _you_ want to be?” He feels trails of tears run down his arms, but he doesn’t mind. He wipes them away carefully with his thumbs, and waits for Sicheng to answer. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“It’s alright. just think about it”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“Take it slow. Finding oneself is a long long journey that takes years, so take baby steps, okay?” Sicheng hums, “But honestly?”

“Yeah?”

Jaehyun looks down at the actor’s tear-stained eyes, all puffy and red, but even so he looks so breathtaking, so unreal, so vulnerable and human, and Jaehyun just can’t look away. 

“I think, that during the time you spend here, in the café, with me, you show bits and pieces of yourself. Or maybe i’m just bad at reading people,” he laughs and Sicheng laughs too, albeit weakly.

Sicheng sighs tiredly, and then unsure, takes Jaehyun’s hand in his. It’s a spontaneous decision, but it’s not unwelcome.They fit perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces, it’s a nice feeling, it spreads warmth throughout Jaehyun’s body, makes him feel like a teenager all over again, but then Sicheng drops his hand, and the warmth is gone. The actor’s brows are furrowed, and he’s looking his palms and Jaehyun, as if sensing Sicheng’s internal debate, grabs it and shyly interlocks their fingers again. “It’s okay,” he says, and Sicheng nods. Things will be okay. 

 

-

 

It’s inevitable that Jaehyun falls in love. He’s always been a romantic, since his childhood days he’d always dreamt of his own prince in shining armour, so of course, when the young actor strayed into his café that wintry morning, with his natural blinding, utterly mysterious presence, Jaehyun was interested. Interest grew into infatuation, and now, his feeling are somewhere in between the already blurred line of limerence and love. 

With love comes fear, what if his feelings aren’t reciprocated? Jaehyun would like to believe that he’s loved back, but Sicheng has been dropping mixed signals, as unreadable as ever. Still guarded and cautious. And on top of all, extremely busy. Always on the run for auditions, roles, castings. Never picking up calls or replying to messages, but Jaehyun was fine with that, he understood. 

It’s been half a year since the pair met, and about three weeks since the barista last heard of Sicheng. He was worried, of course, he always had a tendency to overthink, but then he gets a text message from the devil himself, reassuring that he fine and that he got the role, and Jaehyun is content. 

The same evening Sicheng is at the doorstep of the café, it’s past closing hours but Jaehyun often stays overtime. The actor knocks. 

“Unlocked!”

Jaehyun is hunched over one of the tables, deep in thought with papers stacked in front of him. He had pen in one hand and calculator in the other, calculation the expenses of his café for this month. Sicheng sits quietly besides him, watching him work. 

His gaze was sharp, but soft, and Jaehyun felt himself growing shy under its intensity. Realizing he won’t get much work done like that, and besides he’s exhausted, he puts his work aside and faces his friend. “Hi.”

Sicheng is quick to answer. “Hello. D’ya miss me?”

“Quite a bit, actually. Congrats on getting the role.” And it’s as if Sicheng’s eyes started sparkling with rivers of stars, or maybe it’s just the reflection from the lights on the ceiling. Whatever it was, Jaehyun’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Want to celebrate?”

They pop open a bottle of champagne Jaehyun had stacked for special occasions and pour it into crystal glasses. And it’s true, alcohol works wonders. The atmosphere is more relaxing than ever, and Sicheng seems more talkative than usual. He tells Jaehyun about his new role, new colleagues, how excited and scared he’s at the same time, his thoughts and feelings, and goes on and on. He talks with richness in his voice, as if it’s chocolate filled with caramel, and it’s so pleasant to the ear, like a lullaby. Jaehyun has long been enchanted.

On their second bottle the concept of private space was practically nonexistent. Sicheng was the one to initiate contact, he played with Jaehyun’s hair, carded his fingers through it, commented on its softness. He played with the barista’s hands, traced his knuckles, and intertwined them with his own. And Jaehyun tried to suppress the butterflies growing in his stomach with Sicheng’s every touch, but to no avail. They only grew bigger, multiplied, spread their wings, were an unstoppable force.

Sicheng seemed tipsy, his words were a bit slower, a bit slurred, he was all giggly and his cheeks were bright pink. He clung to Jaehyun like a koala, nuzzled into his neck, and the barista sat there like a lovestruck fool, barely able to breathe, and then Sicheng looked up at him, eyes big and wide, holding many many secrets within them. His expression turned serious and Jaehyun realized that he is, in fact, sober. The actor leaned in closer, boldly but hesitantly, so that their noses almost touched, and Jaehyun could only close his eyes shut.

The kiss tasted of fine alcohol and all of its bitterness, but the aftertaste was certainly sweet. It’s definitely not how young Jaehyun, who read heaps of love stories during recess, imagined for the kiss with the person he loves to be, no, there was no magic or fireworks, nothing exploded inside his chest, but it was undoubtedly one of the best kisses he’s ever had. Sicheng was a good kisser, he kissed slow and passionate, dragged them on, took his time to taste Jaehyun’s lips, explore his mouth. His lips were sweet with the cherry lip balm on them, and together, mixed with the champagne, the kiss was indescribable.

It left a gaping whole inside Jaehyun’s chest when Sicheng pulled away, breathless, panting, in a daze. The softness of his features were accented by the glow of the lights, or maybe Jaehyun’s eyes have had a filter on them. Sicheng’s eyes were calm, but darker than usual, more inviting. He pulled Jaehyun closer, and closed the gap between them again and again, over and over.

 

-

 

“I love you.” Jaehyun says it first. He’s always the one to do things first. Boldness and honesty were  
one of his charms, his strongest points. Not containing his feelings was his one of his biggest weaknesses. He was driven by emotions, and emotions were uncontrollable. They took over Jaehyun’s fears, made him braver, more reckless, and pushed him to confess. Sicheng looked up from his laptop, evidently not expecting to hear those words. “That’s.. Quite sudden.” He comments, voice surprised.

“I know, I needed to let you know.”

The actor nods and just as Jaehyun was about to get nervous, he breaks into a wide grin. “You do? Really?”

“I do.” Jaehyun fiddles with his fingers, a habit he picked up a while ago when he got anxious, “I know it might not be an appropriate time for you, for us, and it probably was really out of the blue, maybe even too soon, i’m sorr-”

“Shut up.” Sicheng interrupts, cradling Jaehyun’s face with his slender hands. He’s biting back a smile, and his gaze is oh so warm, Jaehyun can’t help but blush.

“You really are like a peach,” the actor coos, and pecks Jaehyun on both cheeks, afterwards leaning in for a short tender kiss.

Sicheng doesn’t say it back.

 

-

 

Time passed. They went on dates, they kissed, were all over each other. Jaehyun was smitten, Sicheng was too. The actor looked at Jaehyun as if he was the only person in the world, he kissed him as if he was fragile porcelain, charmed him even more. Sicheng bought him expensive presents, much to Jaehyun’s protests, showered him with heaps of gifts and Jaehyun felt loved, but the actor has never said he loved him. And for Jaehyun’s romantic nature, it wasn’t enough. He needed verbal reassurance, as silly as it sounded, but he didn’t want to ask for it from Sicheng. He wanted the man to say it himself. 

Of course, Jaehyun was insecure, frightened even. Where did he stand with Sicheng? The actor never spoke about their relationship, never confirmed and never denied that they were in one, but of course, Jaehyun didn’t push. They had all the time in world, right?

When Sicheng’s new movie came out, he invited Jaehyun to the premiere. The cinema hall was full, all seats were sold out, and Jaehyun was immensely proud. Sicheng came a long way since they first met. From a rising actor to one of the most demanded ones, he rose from the bottom to the top with his own hard work, dedication and talent, and that was admirable.

The movie was, to put it simply, beautiful: stunning cinematography, a powerful soundtrack, barely any special effects – it was real, raw, Jaehyun was moved to tears. Sicheng’s acting? Impeccable. The man only improved and improved as time went on, his acting could be mistaken for it being real and the way he completely immersed himself into the role was almost scary.

Simply, Sicheng was good was far too good at acting. It came to the point where Jaehyun was starting to doubt the genuineness of their relationship, Sicheng’s feelings, the genuineness of everything. 

It’s been on Jaehyun’s mind a lot. Like an ugly plaguing thought that only grew and grew, trapping him inside his own self, and Jaehyun admitted, he was ashamed and disgusted for doubting his partner, but he needed confirmation. When the café owner wanted to confront Sicheng, the latter only fluttered his eyes and gave him the sweetest smile in the world, and the words died on the tip on Jaehyun’s tongue. That happened very time Jaehyun tried to subtly touch the subject.

But you can’t fake feelings, or can you? 

Half a year ago, Jaehyun would agree without hesitating, but now, he’s not so sure. Sicheng has been much busier, now that he’s bathing in wealth and fame, he went abroad for filming several times, they were miles and miles apart. On top of that, neither of them texted much, and Sicheng wasn’t the one to call someone first. Jaehyun didn’t call anyone much himself. It left him in a sea of worries. Maybe to Sicheng things were fine, but to Jaehyun it seemed as if their relationship, whatever it was, was getting strained. 

The lack of communication tore Jaehyun to shreds, Sicheng was silent, but Jaehyun refused to do something about it himself.

“Why don’t you just ask him how’s he doing? I’m sure he’d appreciate your concern.” Jaehyun’s coworker, Yuta, asks. 

“I don’t want to bother him, you know? He’s busy.”

“And so are you! What makes you think you’re a bother?” Yuta exclaims. “He’s probably waiting for you to text him just as much as you.”

“I- I don’t know.” 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta sighs, “you know how they say ‘communication is key’, right? It keeps relationships together. You’re just letting yours fall apart.”

Jaehyun knows his coworker has a point, he’s aware that Yuta’s right. “We’re not even in a relationship.” He says, and the words sound so bitter to him, much more bitter than the pitch black coffee he drinks in the morning. 

“What?” Even to Yuta it sounds weird. 

“Sicheng never referred to me as his boyfriend, and I was too scared to ask at this point. I don’t want to mess things up.”

“Jaehyun, you wont mess things up by asking. You’ve been on the limbo between good friends and a couple for what, seven months now?”

“Eight.”

“Right, so as much as you care for Sicheng’s values, he should care about yours too. Does he know that it’s hurting you?”

“No.”

Yuta sighs. There’s an evident frown on his face, it’s his usual scolding look. Jaehyun averts his gaze, it’s too piercing, too judging. “Well then, that’s the first step. You gotta talk. Or don’t be surprised if something does go wrong. Call him tonight.”

“I will.”

Jaehyun didn’t call Sicheng that night. He wanted to, he really did, but for some unbeknown reason he turned on the tv to feel less lonely, and saw Sicheng on the screen. He was all dressed up modestly in a black suit, dark brown hair comma styled, talking to some woman in an extravagant white dress. She was really pretty, Jaehyun notices. Her hair was long, the colour of midnight blue, eyes as deep and turquoise as the oceans, a small smile decorated her face. Her make-up was natural, as if it was barely even there. Her pretty white dress, as white as the snow, with crystals embedded on it, with lace and embroidered jewelry, brought attention of every spectator.

But even then, Jaehyun could only stare at Sicheng, with his neutral, default expression, sharp brows, cat-like eyes, he could watch as Sicheng pulled the woman closer, both of them smiling, and kiss her right then and there. Jaehyun was aware, he was watching fiction, but the way Sicheng looked at the actress, kissed her– it was no different than how Sicheng was with Jaehyun, and it made Jaehyun realize just how blurred the line between acting and reality actually was. It was obvious Sicheng was acting in the movie, but was he acting with Jaehyun too?

Overwhelmed by his own thoughts, insecurities, Jaehyun turned off the TV, and went to bed. His phone rung a couple of times that night, with a tune he put on for Sicheng’s contact number, but Jaehyun didn’t pick up. 

As a defensive mechanism, Jaehyun submerged himself into an imaginary shell he refused to get out off, a secure self-made shell that supposedly shielded him from the scary mean outside world, responsibility, all his fears. In his shell he finally felt at peace, a whole week of serenity, the countryside, spring, large meadows and pretty flowers, birds chirping and butterflies, if not for the constant knocking. 

The knocking became louder and louder, more frequent, and Jaehyun gave in. He reluctantly left his shell, and met face to face with Sicheng, whose eyes were sincere and apologetic, smile soft. “Hi,” he said, and god, Jaehyun really missed that enchanting voice. 

“Hey.”

“Want to talk?”

Now, Jaehyun would say that he’s fairly brave, that he doesn’t have that many fears, however he’s scared of two things most: confrontation and rejection, and he can’t run from them no more. He sighs, and nods, and Sicheng takes his hand in his, and leads him to the living room. Two cups of tea are cooling off on the coffee table already, Jaehyun assumes it’s been a while since Sicheng entered his apartment with a spare key.

“You didn’t answer my calls.” The actor says. His voice isn’t accusing, he’s just stating facts. “You didn’t answer my messages either. Is there something wrong?”

“I apologize for that, but no,” Jaehyun lies. Sicheng is tired from filming and all the sleepless nights, there are large bags under his eyes, creases on his forehead, Jaehyun wants nothing more than to massage his tense muscles and kiss his frown away, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to burden Sicheng. “I’ve just been feeling unwell.”

“Jaehyun,” now Sicheng’s time is stern. He’s frowning, and obviously upset. “You’re pretty open, but even then you always keep things to yourself. Please talk to me. I can’t read minds.” And Jaehyun nods. Miscommunication is really taking a toll on both of them.

“Alright. Okay,” he rushes out, and Sicheng gives him a tired smile. They interlock hands, it’s a comforting familiar gesture, and Jaehyun feels much much safer. He takes a deep inhale. Breathes in and out. Then speaks. “I’m just scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of this,” Jaehyun gestures with his hands, “you, myself, us.”

“What do you mean?” Sicheng clutches their hands tighter. 

“Sicheng, what are we? Are we together? It’s been so many months, and I don’t how to answer that. We go on dates, we kiss, act like a couple, and yet, you never called me your boyfriend, you never, not even once, told me you loved me, do you- do you even love me?” Jaehyun forces out, its painful even to his own ears, and even more painful to Sicheng’s. He blinks away unshed tears, he feels so open, so naked at this moment. Jaehyun was not the one to talk about his insecurities, ever, as unhealthy as it is.

His head feels lighter after dumping out his worries, much more lighter, but his chest feels tighter. Sicheng isn’t answering, and Jaehyun can’t hear anything besides his ragged breath anyways. It’s so nerve-wracking, torturing, deafening, Jaehyun wants time to stop. His head is ringing, and with each passing second the barista wants to drop everything and run out, but Sicheng stops his thoughts with a simple tightening of the hold of their intertwined hands. 

“I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun stops breathing for a second. Out of everything he expected to hear, this wasn’t one of the options. “For what?” He’s bracing himself for the worst.

“You’re panicking and I don’t know how to comfort you. The characters i’ve played, I wasn’t told what to do in these situations, I don’t know how to act right now.”

Jaehyun sighs. “Don’t think about acting right now. Just. Just hug me.” And Sicheng does. He hugs Jaehyun tightly and it feels so warm and comforting, it’s like hugging a huge teddy bear, and the latter relaxes into the touch. 

“Sicheng, be honest, do you love me?”

Sicheng’s face falls, he looks hurt, but inches closer, then kisses his forehead, then his temple, the slope of his nose. He kisses his eyelids, pecks his cheeks, “I do.”

“Say it.” Jaehyun whispers, pleadingly. “Out loud. Please.”

“I love you, peaches.” Sicheng smiles, and kisses him square on the lips. It feels different, more genuine, more real, like Sicheng is putting his whole soul into the kiss to convey his feelings, to reassure the barista, “I love you so much.” And Jaehyun smiles into it, and kisses back just as passionate. God, they both suck at communication. 

Actions should make up for unsaid words, but in some cases that isn’t enough. “Why,” it comes out hushed, “why would you ever doubt me?” the actor asks in between kisses, “I thought it was obvious. I bought you gifts, sent you hearts, took you on dates. Wasn’t it enough for you?” Jaehyun nods. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Jaehyun feels guilty, but he’s a man that never lies. “It’s just– you’re so good at acting, I had an ugly thought implemented into my mind, that what if you’re acting with me too? What if you’ll leave me one day, saying that you never loved me? God, Sicheng, you’re an actual star, you can do much better without me. You’re amazing, hardworking, so so talented, so bright, and I’m just– me. Why would you want to be with me?” 

Sicheng breaks away. “Stop it.” 

“Huh?”

“Don’t you dare continue.” Sicheng sounds serious. It’s almost scary. “You, Jaehyun, are much more than that.” The actor takes him by the shoulders. His grip is like iron. “I don’t want to hear you downplay your achievements. _You_ are amazing, Jaehyun, you shine in your own ways. You’re so young, and already an owner of a successful business. That’s something you should be proud of. You’re a master at everything you do. You have an angelic voice that touches the heavens when you sing, that grounds people when you comfort them. You’re so sweet, understanding, so kind. Your imperfections make you even more perfect. You waited for me, hell, Jaehyun, you helped me so much more than you think. 

“I will never forget that day at the café, when I opened up to you. Your words really struck me. You didn’t say much, but it really helped. I’ve been seeing a therapist. And I feel much better, more comfortable in my own skin. So, Jaehyun, open up to me too. Don’t hide your worries. I know, we’re both men of few words, not that talkative, quiet, but we can make it work. If you want to. Do you want to?”

Jaehyun nods, “Of course I do.”

“Swell.” Sicheng’s lips quirk up, then fall again. “And about me not being verbal about my love for you, it’s so that I wouldn’t lose the special meaning of the word. Love, to me, is a sacred word, a deep feeling. A feeling that I feel with only you. I say that word so much in my movies, and I don’t want it to lose value with you. Jaehyun, I won’t say it often, but I really am in love with you.” The actor wipes Jaehyun’s pearls of tears away, his touch was as light as a feather. Jaehyun’s tears were warm. “Let’s be more honest about our feelings from now on, okay?”

“Okay,” Jaehyun agrees, a bit too eagerly. He leans in to kiss Sicheng again, it’s salty as hell, but to Jaehyun it’s more than okay. Just like two pieces of stars from different ends of the universes that found each other despite the obstacles called life, as long as they’re together, they will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/eyeronicmuch)


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